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A  COLLECTION  OF 

SCARCE  ACTING  TRAGEDIES,  COMEDIES,  DRAMAS, 
FARCES  AND  BURLETTAS, 

UNIFORM     IN    PRICE    AND    STYLE. 

Each  Number  12>£  cts....lO  For  One  Dollar. 


BOSTON: 

WILLIAM    V.    SPENCER, 
128  WASHINGTON  STREET,  Corner  of  Water  St 


W  oo  I  e. 


Spencer's  Boston  Theatre. 

Price,  12  1-2 

w- 

Cents,  each.    Ten  for  One  Dollar. 

BOUND    VOLUMES,  SI. 

VOL.  I. 

VOL.  VI. 

VOL.  XI. 

1  Moll  Pitcher. 

41  Love  and  Lovaltv. 

81  The  Mummy. 

2  The  Forest  Rose, 

42  Robber's  Wife. 

82  The  Review. 

3  Swiss  Swains, 

43  Happy  Man, 

83  Lady  of  the  Lake. 

4  Bachelor's  Bedroom, 

44  Dumb  Girl  of  Genoa. 

84  Still  Water  Runs  Deep. 

5  Sophia's  Supper, 
6  A  Roland  for  an  Oliver, 

45  Wreck  Ashore, 
46  Clari. 

s5  Man  of  Manv  Friends. 
86  Love  in  Livery. 

7  Black-cved  Susan, 

47  Miller  and  his  Men. 

87  Antony  and  Cleopatra. 

8  John  Bull, 

48  Wallace. 

88  The  Scholar. 

VOL.    II. 

VOL.  VII. 

VOL.  XII. 

9  Satan  in  Paris, 

49  Madclaine. 

89  Helping  Hands. 

10  More  Blunders  than  one, 

50  Betsey  Baker. 

90  Aladdin. 

11   Rosin  a  Meadows 

51  The  Fireman, 

91  Trvingiton. 

'  12  The  Dumb  Belle, 

52  No.  1,  Round  the  Corner, 

92  Stage  Struck  Yankee, 

13  My  Aunt, 

53  TeJdv  Roe. 

W  Young  Wife  &  Old 

14  Spring  and  Autumn, 

54  Grist  to  the  Mill. 

°-t  Last  Man,         (Umh'la 

15  Six  Degrees  of  Crime, 

55  Object  of  Interest. 

95  Belles'  Stratagem. 

10  Limerick  Boy, 

56  Two  Loves  and  a  Life. 

CJ6  Crinoline. 

VOL.  III. 

VOL.  VIII. 

VOL.  XIII. 

i  17  Presumptive  Evidence, 

57  Anne  Blake. 

97  Old  and  Yonnc:. 

!    18  Man  and  Wife, 

5S  My  Fell.  :w  Clerk. 

OS  A  Family  Failing. 

:  19  The  Sergeant's  Wife, 

59  Bengal  Tiger. 

99  The  Young  Scamp, 

1  20  Masks  and  Faces. 

60  The  Steward. 

100  The  Adopted  Child. 

21  Merry  Wives  of  Windsor, 

61  Capt.  Kvd. 

101  The  Turned  Head. 

22  Nature  and  Philosophy, 

02  Nick  of  the  Woods. 

102  A  Match  in  the  Dark, 

i  23  Agnes  de  Vere, 

63  The  Marble  Heart. 

103  Advice  to  Husbands. 

24  Shandy  Maguire, 

04  Laughing  Hyena. 

104    Ratlaelle. 

VOL.  IV. 

VOL.  IX. 

VOL.  XIV. 

'  25  Wild  Oats, 

65  Second  Love. 

105  RntlTOaklev. 

LV,  Michael  Erie, 

66  The  Victor  Vanquished. 

100  The  British  Slave. 

i  27  Teddy  the  Tiler, 

67  Our  Wife 

107  Siamese  Twins, 

-N  Spectre  Bridegroom, 

68  Dream  at  Sea. 

lus  A  Life's  Ransom, 

2D  Idiot  Witness, 

69  My  Husband's  Mirror. 

109  Sent  to  the  Tower. 

30  Willow  Copse, 

70  Yankee  Land. 

llOGiralda, 

31   Matteo  Falcone, 

71  Norah  Crtina, 

111  Time  Tries  all, 

i  32  People's  Lawyer, 

72  Good/  Y  Nothing. 

112EllaRosenburg. 

VOL.   V. 

VOL.  X. 

VOL.  XV. 

33  Jenny  Lind, 

73  The  First  Night. 

113  Somebody  Else. 

!  34  Comedy  of  Errors, 

74  The  Rake's  Progress. 

114  Warlock  of  the  Glen 

35  Lucretia  Borgia, 

75  Pet  of  the  Petticoats. 

115  Zelina, 

36  Surgeon  of  Paris. 

76  The  Eaton  Boy. 

116  Ladies'  Battle, 

:  37  Patrician's  Daughter, 

77  Wandering  Minstrel. 

117  Art  of  Acting, 

\  38  The  Two  Buzzards, 

78  Wanted  1000  Milliners. 

118  The  Brigand, 

39  Shoemaker  of  Toulouse, 

79  Poor  Pil  Ik-odd  v. 

119  The  Lady  of  the  Lions, 

40  Momentous  Question,  . 

80  Breach  of  Pttmfae. 

120  Neighbor  Jackwood, 

WILLIAM   Y.    SPElSTCEiR, 

PUBLISHER, 

iss  -\ 

^-A.sni3sra-T  o 

rr  ST., 

(Corner  of  Water  St.)          .... 

BOSTON. 

SPENCER'S    BOSTON   THEATRE No.  LXXXVI. 


LOYE   IN    LIYERY, 


AN   ORIGINAL  FARCE 


O  1ST  E 


BY 


J.     P.     WOOL  EH,     ESQ., 


AUTHOR    OF 


"  Allow  me  to  Apologise," — "  Founded  on  Facts," — Etc. 


WITH    ORIGINAL    CASTS,     COSTUMES,     AND    THE  WHOLE    OF  THE   STAGE 

BUSINESS,   CORRECTLY    MARKED    AND   ARRANGED,    BY 

MR.   J.    B.    WRIGHT,     ASSISTANT    MANAGER 

OF   THE   BOSTON    THEATRE. 


BOSTON : 

WILLIAM    V.     SPENCER, 
128    WASHINGTON    STREET,    CORNER    OF    WATEB. 


DRAMATIS  PERSONS. 


ORIGINAL  CAST. 

Princess',  London,  Arch.  */.,  Philad.       Troy  Museum, 
1845.  1855.  1855. 

Lord  Sparkle Mr.  W.  Lacy.  _  Mr.  Dolman.  Mr.  Wayne  Olwine. 

Frank  Howard Mr.  A.  Harris.  Mr.  Myers.  Mr.  Waller. 

Paul  Patent Mr.  Compton.  Mr.  J.  S  Clark.  Mr.  James  Biddies. 

Thomas Mr.  T.  Hill  Mr.  Caterson.  Mr.  English. 

Violet Miss  Stanley.  Mrs.  Drew.  Miss  Julia  Daly. 

Louise Miss  L,  Honnor.  Mrs.  Landon.  Miss  Ross. 

Mary Miss  Somers.  Mrs.  Wilks.  Miss  Gardiner. 

Susan Miss  Mott.  Mrs.  Baker.  Miss  Morria. 


SCBNE — Switzerland.     Time  in  representation,  45  minutes. 


STAGE    DIRECTIONS. 

R.,  means  Right;  L.,Left;  R.  H.,  Right  Hand  ;  L.  H.,  Left  Hand;  C.,  Centre; 
R.  C.,  Right  of  Centre  ;    L.  C..  Left  of  Centre  ;    F.,  the  Flat ;    C.  D.  F.,  Centre 
Door  in  Flat ;    R.  D.  F.,  Right  Door  in  Flat ;    L.  D.  F.,  Left  Door  in  Flat ;    R.  H. 
D.,  Right  Hand  Door,  First  Entrance  ;  L.  H.  D.,  Left  Hand  Door,  First  Entrauca 
S.  E.,  (or  2  E.,)  Second  Entrance ;  U.  E.,  Upper  Entrance. 

R.  R.  C.  C.  L.  C.  L. 

%*    Tho  reader  is  supposed  to  be  upon  the  Stage,  facing  the  audience. 


MEMOIR  OF  MR.  J.  S.  CLARK 


IT  has  been  said,  and  indeed  it  is  generally  conceded,  that  acting 
is  the  only  profession  for  which  no  previous  initiation  is  required. 
None  are  educated  for  players ;  chance  or  caprice  makes  actors,  and 
aptness,  quick  perception,  and  study  secure  their  success.  For  the 
reasons  assigned,  a  well-known  writer  has  said  that  a  player  has 
never  been  in  good  odour  with  the  merely  calculating  part  of  man- 
kind; and,  unhappily,  his  own  irregularities  too  often  prove  a  bar  to 
his  favorable  reception  with  the  enlightened  and  liberal.  Many  of 
the  theatrical  profession  are  wholly  illiterate — a  defect  that,  when  they 
have  dropped  the  cap  and  mask,  renders  them  intolerable.  The  ap- 
plause bestowed  upon  such  Thespians,  by  the  injudicious  and  "  barren 
spectator,"  engenders  a  silly  vanity  that  almost  leads  them  to  expect 
the  like  favor  when  left  to  the  resources  of  their  own  wit.  But  what 
is  awarded  to  the  mummer  is  denied  to  the  man.  There  is  no  reason 
why  an  honorable  profession  like  the  Histrionic  Art  should  not  have 
more  followers  who  have  received  some  decent  qualification,  if  not 
scholastic,  to  illustrate  the  noblest  triumphs  of  human  wit.  The  elder 
Booth,  Garrick,  Kemble,  and  many  more  of  the  past,  and  the  late 
J.  B.  Booth,  Forrest,  Conway,  Charles  Kean,  Roberts,  Burton,  J.  M. 
Field,  Brougham,  Richings  and  others,  of  the  present,  are  deeply 
learned  and  well-read  gentlemen.  Mr.  Clark,  the  subject  of  this 
sketch,  though  not  a  classical  scholar,  is  possessed  of  a  liberal  educa- 
tion, and  is  a  close  student ;  of  this  gentleman  we  expect  much.  His 
life  thus  far  has  not  been  marked  with  any  peculiar  events — though 
his  genius,  talent,  education,  and  studious  habits,  indicate  a  high 
round  in  the  dramatic  ladder.  He  was  born  in  Baltimore,  Md.,  in 
1832.  In  1851  he  abandoned  the  mercantile  business,  to  which  he  was 
apprenticed,  and  adopted  the  stage,  making  his  first  appearance  on  the 
boards  at  the  Ho  ward  Athenaeum,  Boston,  as  Frank  Hardy  in  Paul  Pry. 
In  1852  he  became  a  member  of  the  Chesnut  Street  Company,  Phila- 
delphia, then  under  the  management  of  the  efficient  and  able  stage 

R50674 


4  MEMOIR    OF   J.    8.    CLARK. 

director,  Mr.  W.  S.  Fredericks.  Here  Me.  C.  first  attracted  the  no- 
tice of  the  critics,  and  acquired  great  popularity  in  second  low  come- 
dy, and  what  is  technically  termed  "little  bits."  In  the  fall  of  1854 
he  filled  the  position  of  "first  low  comedian"  at  the  Front  Street 
Theatre,  Baltimore,  and  became  a  tremendous  favorite.  We  next 
find  him  in  New  York,  where  he  first  appeared  at  the  Metropolitan 
Theatre,  under  the  management  of  Mr.  J.  H.  Hackett,  in  May  1855, 
as  Dickory  in  the  Spectre  Bridegroom.  His  success  was  complete ; 
his  performance  eliciting  warm  commendation  from  the  critics  of 
the  New  York  Herald  and  other  journals.  He  is  now  c<  leading  low 
comedian "  at  Wheatley's  Arch  Street  Theatre,  Philadelphia,  en- 
joying a  popularity  unequalled  and  nightly  augmenting.  His  per- 
formance of  Paul  Patent,  in  Love  in  Livery,  is  a  most  amusing  and 
droll  delineation,  and  quite  original.  With  study  and  application, 
Mr.  Clark  is  destined  to  occupy  a  still  more  enviable  position. 

"THE  MAJO«." 


COSTUME. 


LORD  SPARKLE— Green  Swiss  valet's  coat,  braided— tight  black  pan- 
taloons— and  Hessian  boots. 

FRANK  HOWARD— Blue  dress  coat  and  trousers— white  waistcoat. 

PAUL — First  dress — Livery.  Second  dress — Very  tight  fashionably 
cut  trousers — white  waistcoat — black  dress  coat. 

VIOLET— Pink  striped  silk  dross. 

LOUISE— Flowered  muslin. 

MARY  &  SUSAN— The  same. 


SCENERY. 


SCENE  1. — Lord  Sparkle's  dressing-room,  in  1. 

11    2. — Handsome  chamber  with  folding  doors,  backed  by  garden  in 

4  and  5. 

"    3 — Same  as  1st 
"    4.— Same  as  2d. 


PROPERTIES. 

SCENE  1. — Table  C.,  with  toilet-glass  and  bell  on — 2  chairs. 

"      2. — Tables  R.  and  L. — chairs  and  sofa — foot  stool — flower  vases — 

bell — writing  materials — handsome  volumes,  Ac.,  on  tables. 
«      3. — Written  letter  on  salver  for  Thomas — Paul's  coat  ready  L.  for 

Thomas. 
"      4. — Furniture  as  in  Scene  2 — torpedoes  for  prompter — visiting 

card  on  salver  for  servant. 


LOVE  IN  LIVERY. 


SCENE  I. — Lord  Sparkle's  Dressing-room. 

LORD  SPARKLE  just  completing  his  toilet,  L.  H.,  in  the  costume 
of  a  Swiss  Valet. 

LORD  S.  It's  plaguy  strange,  now,  that  any  woman  should 
have  the  power  to  transform  me  into  a  footman  !  And  she 
loses  by  it,  too — for  she  was  mistress  of  a  Lord  before — now 
she's  only  mistress  of  a  lacquey.  Where's  my  plague,  Paul,  I 
wonder  ?  Here,  Paul !  (Knocking  without.  Throws  cloak 
round  him.) 

Enter  SERVANT,  L.  H. 
SERV.  Mr.  Howard,  my  lord. 

Enter  FRANK  HOWARD.     (Exit  SERVANT,  L.  H.) 

How.  Good  day,  Tom  ! 

LORD  S.  Good  day,  Frank  ! 

How.  Why,  Tom,  you're  cloaked  as  if  you  were  going  to 
ramble  up  the  Alps.  May  I  ask  the  meaning  of  this  wintry 
garb  in  July  ?  if  it  isn't  a  new  dressing  gown  ! 

LORD  £>.  You  remember  my  mentioning  to  you  a  scheme 
for  winning  the  pretty  Countess  Violet  ? 

How.  I  recollect  something  about  it — but  it  was  so  exquis 
itely  absurd,  that  I  thought  I  had   dreamt  it,  or  you  were 
joking. 

LORD  S.  Does  this  look  like  a  joke  ?     (Throwing  off  cloak.) 

How.  I  protest,  more  like  a  joke  than  ever.  Prithee,  Tom, 
throw  off  that  masking  foolery,  and,  if  you  like  the  woman, 
make  love  to  her  in  your  proper  character. 

LORD  S.  The  Countess  is  one  of  the  most  romantic  women 
in  Europe.  The  ruse  will  take  her  in  a  fashion  after  her  own 
heart.  You  don't  know  her • 

How.  I  know  her  for  one  of  the  proudest  women  in  Swit- 
zerland, and  the  least  likely  in  the  world  to  fall  in  love  with 


8  LOVE  IN  LIVERY.  [sc.  i 

her  own  footman — and  bow  such  a  stupid  idea  ever  entered 
vour  head,  I  cannot  conceive. 

LORD  S.  I  think  it  emanated  in  you  ;  we  are  two  opposites. 
It  is  a  matter  of  necessity,  Frank,  as  well  as  romance.  I  can 
ge-t  no  introduction  to  hsr.  The  old  men  won't  introduce  me 
through  prudence — the  young  ones  through  jealousy — so, 
M'Jth  my  hearty  thanks  to  them  all,  I'll  introduce  myself. 

How.  Confound  me,  if  Fd  put  on  that  jacket,  if  you  threw 
all  the  Duchesses  into  the  bargain. 

LORD  S.  Then  I  wish  with  all  my  soul  you  may  marry  a 
milkmaid.  But,  come — though  you  laugh  at  the  road  I  tra- 
vel, wish  me  safe  at  my  journey's  end. 

How.  With  all  my  heart ! 

LORD  S.  I  am  not  known  in  the  neighborhood  by  sight. 
Now  I  can't  be  absent  without  leaving  some  one  to  represent 
me,  in  case  of  accident.  I've  chosen  one  who  I  think  possess- 
es fidelity,  though  sadly  deficient  in  everything  else — my 
most  incomprehensibly  clumsy  blockhead,  Paul. 

How.  (Laughing)  Impossible  ! 

LORD  S.  Fact !  now  all  I  ask  of  you,  is  that  you  will  look 
in  now  and  then,  to  see  that  he  commits  no  very  glaring  folly. 

How.  Fortune  speed  you  !  Good  bye — and  I  say,  Tom, 
mind  you  attend  to  your  duties,  and  bring  away  a  good 
character.  [Exit  L.  H. 

LORD  S.  Ha,  ha !  Good  bye,  Frank.  Now  for  the  new 
Lord  Sparkle.  (Rings  bell  on  table,  L.) 

Enter  PAUL  PATENT,  R.  H. 

PAUL.  Did  you  ring,  sir? 

LORD  S.  Ring,  sir !  Where  the  deuce  have  you  been,  sir, 
for  the  last  half  hour  ? 

PAUL.  I've  been  trying  to  come  the  lord  a  little  in  the 
kitchen,  and  I  rather  think  I  gave  'em  a  touch  of  nobility. 

LORD  S.  Now  just  excuse  me,  Paul — I  wanted  you  to  look 
as  bright  as  you  could  to-day,  and  hang  me  if  you  don't  look 
more  stupid  than  ever. 

PAUL.  Didn't  I  tell  you,  I'd  been  trying  to  come  the  lord? 

LORD  S.  Sir !  But  just  turn  round  a  little,  and  let's  look  at 
you.  (PAUL  turning  round.) 

LORD  S.  (Laughing.)  No — I  can't  put  my  coat  upon  such 
a  figure  as  that ! 

PAUL.  Yes,  I  think  the  figure's  a  cut  above  the  common 
of  nobility.  I  don't  recollect  ever  seeing  such  lega  aa 


run 


«c.  i.]  LOVE  IN  LIVERY.  0 

these  under  a  lord's  table  ;  but,  I  dare  say,  when  I  get  on  my 
quality  clothes,  I  can  manage  to  disguise  'em. 

LORD  S.  I  pray  you,  friend  Paul,  for  my  reputation's  sake, 
disguise  them  and  yourself  as  much  as  you  possibly  can.  If 
you  could  procure  a  wig  to  hide  that  horrible  red  head  of 
yours,  it  would  be  as  well. 

PAUL.  Hide  this  head,  my  lord  ?  the  envy  of  whole  par- 
ishes? though  my  last  mistress  had  the  impudence  to  tell  me 
to  get  out  of  her  sight,  or  my  hair  would  tan  her. 

LORD  S.  Have  you  tried  on  the  clothes  I  gave  you  ? 

PAUL.  I  have — and  uncommon  like  a  lord  I  looked. 
They're  a  trifle  tight  in  one  or  two  immaterial  places — I  can't 
get  a  very  fair  view  at  my  feet,  and 

LORD  S.  They'll  do  very  well.  Now,  remember  the  cellar 
will  be  at  your  command.  But  if  you  dare  to  get  intoiu- 
catea,  you  are  no  longer  a  servant  of  mine. 

PAUL.  By-the-bye,  I  shall  thank  your  lordship  to  explain 
to  the  things  in  the  kitchen,  that  I  shall  require  a  lot  of  re- 
spect— and  please  be  very  particular  with  the  women. 

LORD  S.  I'll  discharge  the  first  that  disobeys  you.  And 
remember,  should  you  happen  by  any  chance  to  see  me,  be- 
ware you  don't  recognize  me. 

PAUL.  My  nobility  will  be  particularly  short-sighted. 

LORD  S.  I  shall  leave  the  same  order  with  all  the  servants. 

PAUL.  I'll  take  care,  my  lord. 

LORD  S.  If  any  letters  come  for  me,  attend  to  them  your- 
self, if  you  can — if  not,  take  them  to  my  friend  Howard. 
But  if  you  play  any  tricks  with  my  name  or  reputation,  I'll 
break  every  bone  in  your  skin. 

PAUL.  All  care  shall  be  taken  of  your  lordship's  reputa- 
tion that  it  deserves. 

LORD  S.  You  shall  be  no  loser  by  it.  Now  go  and  dress 
at  once.  You'll  see  me  in  a  week — (Aside) — for  if  I  can't 
win  a  woman  in  that  time,  she  must  be  made  of  something 
devilish  tough  indeed !  My  cloak  !  (PAUL  puts  on  LORD  S.'* 
cloak.  .Exit  LORD  S.,  R.  H.) 

PAUL.  Good  bye,  my  lord.  Hilloa !  what's  that  ?  Good 
bye,  my  lord !  I  ought  to  say,  "  How  d'ye  do,  my  lord  ? 
happy  to  make  your  lordship's  acquaintance."  (Shaking  hands 
with  himself.)  "Can  I  offer  your  lordship  anything  to 
drink?"  (A/ectedly.)  Yes — and  the  sooner  the* better. 
I'm  to  consult  my  nobility  about  getting  drunk.  I'll  consult 
it  while  I'm  getting  dressed.  In  the  mean  time,  I'll  take  the 


10  LOVE  IIS  LIVERY.  [so.  it. 

smallest  bottle  I  can  find,  that  I  mayn't  get  drunk  before  the 
consultation  comes  off.  This  way,  my  lord.  Will  your  lord- 
ship go  first  ?  (Drawing  himself  up  affectedly)  Yes.  Shall 
I  follow  your  lordship  ?  Yes.  [Exit  R.  H. 


SCENE  II. — The  Countess  Violets  Apartment,  opening  on  a 
garden.  Chairs,  Tables,  K.  and  L.  H.  Vases  on  them. 
Ottoman  c.  and  two  stools. 

VIOLET  discovered,  c.,  seated,  reading. 

Vio.  (After  a  pause.)  This  is  positively  the  most  tedious 
book !  ( Throwing  it  down  and  sighing.)  Ah,  I  certainly 
don't  find  so  much  pleasure  in  being  a  widow  as  I  expected. 
It  was  decidedly  pleasant  at  first.  Perhaps  I've  tried  it  rather 
too  long.  It  is  now — what?  eighteen  months  since  I  lost 
the  poor,  dear,  ridiculous  old  Count — (Rising) — and,  heav- 
en's grace,  I  am  twenty  to-morrow.  I  have  lovers  enough — 
but  then  my  hand  is  scarcely  my  own — and  what  my  foolish 
departed  husband  could  mean  by  leaving  me  under  the  con- 
trol of  an  old  English  lord,  and  thereby  prevent  my  marrying 
but  at  his  good  pleasure,  at  the  risk  of  my  fortune,  I  can't 
conceive.  I  have  the  reputation  of  being  proud — at  all  haz- 
ards, I  am  too  proud  to  ask  any  man's  consent  in  the  disposal 
of  my  hand,  and  too  proud  to  bring  any  man  my  person 
only  as  a  dowry,  so  my  chances  of  marriage  are,  I  fear, 
trifling. 

Enter  LOUISE,  L.  H. 

Lou.  A  young  man,  madam,  has  applied  for  the  situation 
of  footman  to  your  ladyship. 

Vio.  And  his  appearance 

Lou.  Charming,  madam!  His  dress  is  lovely,  and  his 
face  and  figure,  madam — if  they  ain't  beautiful ! 

Vio.  You  can  commend  him  in  his  own  society,  girl — 
•what  can  his  face  and  figure  be  to  me  ?  I  will  speak  to  him. 

Lou.  Yes,  madam.  (Aside.)  I'll  lay  my  best  cap  she'll 
engage  him  without  a  character.  [Exit  L.  H. 

Vio.  Now  to  be  bored  by  some  great  clown  or  other — for 
I  suspect  Louise's  ideas  of  a  beautiful  face  and  figure  are  a 
pair  of  moustache  and  six  feet  (Sits.) 


BC.  ii.]  LOVE  IN  LIVERY,  II 

Enter  LOUISE  and  LORD  SPARKLE,  L.  H. 

Lou.  This  way,  young  man — don't  be  timid. 

LORD  S.  (Aside.)  How  lovely  she  is  ! 

Vio.  (Aside.)  Come,  the  girl  has  more  taste  than  I  gave 
her  credit  for.  So,  young  man,  you  wish  to  enter  my  service 1 

LORD  S.  I  seek  such  honor,  madam. 

Vio.  From  the  Tyrol,  by  your  dress  ? 

LORD  S.  You  are  right,  madam. 

Vio.  And  your  name  ? 

LORD  S.  (Aside.)  'Pon  my  life  I  forgot  that !  (Aloud) 
My  name,  madam,  is  Fidelio. 

Vio.  Have  you  any  letters  to  speak  in  your  favor  ? 

LORD  S.  No,  madam — 'tis  my  first  service. 

Vio.  It  is  rarely  the  custom  to  receive  servants  on  their  own 
report — but  your  appearance  bars  any  suspicion — and,  trust- 
ing that  you  will  not  forfeit  my  good  opinion,  I  take  you  at 
once  into  my  service. 

Lou.  (Aside.)  Of  course — I  knew  that ! 

LORD  S.  Madam,  I  thank  you. 

Vio.  Louise,  here,  will  instruct  you  in  your  duties,  and  will  see 
that  you  receive  what  you  require.  (Seats  herself.) 

LORD  S.  (Aside.)  She  must  give  me  her  mistress  then ! 

Lou.  I  can  see  all  this  very  clearly  Fidelio,  your  place  is 
there.  (Pointing  to  the  side.)  And  here  you  must  stand  till 
you're  wanted,  d'ye  hear  1  [Exit  L.  H. 

LORD  S.  (Aside.)  Very  monumental  employment !  How 
lovely  she  looks ! 

Vio.  (Aside.)  Now  do  I  feel  that  that  fellow's  eyes  are  fixed 
on  me.  I  hate  to  be  stared  at,  especially  Oh,  this  is  positively 
provoking.  Fidelio ! 

LORD  S.  (Running  to  her.)  Madam  ! 

Vio.  Hem !  reach  me  that  stool. 

LORD  S.  Yes,  madam.  (Places  stool  for  hert  and  sits  at 
her  feet,  L.  c.) 

Vio.  Sir !  remember  your  place 

LORD  S.  "Tis  here,  madam. 

Vio.  What,  at  my  feet  ? 

LORD  S.  Yes,  madam — it  is  the  custom  of  the  Tyrol. 
(Aside)  I  think  that's  where  I  come  from.  (Aloud.)  But  if 
J  offend 

Vio.  There  is  no  offence  in  a  sup'./osed  duty — but  in  my 
service  yon  must  forget  such  duties  as  soon  &  y-vs>i  r>ie. 


12  LOVE  IN  LIVERY.  [nc.n. 

LORD  S.  Such  a  duty,  madam,  to  such  a  mistress,  can  never 
be  forgotten. 

Vio.  Well,  remain  as  you  are  for  the  novelty  of  the  thing, 
this  once. 

LORD  S.  (Aside.)  The  custom  of  the  Tyrol  will  do! 

Vio.  What  were  you  saying,  Fidelio  ? 

LORD  S.  I  was  saying,  madam,  that  I  never  saw  so  lovely  a 
foot. 

Vio.  Is  it  a  custom  in  the  Tyrol,  too,  for  a  servant  to  com- 
pliment his  mistress's  feet  as  well  as  kneel  at  them  ? 

LORD  S.  It  is  a  servant's  perquisite,  madam,  in  the  Tyrol. 

Vio.  Indeed  !  the  perquisite  being  of  so  agreeable  an  or- 
der, may  I  ask  the  salary  given  for  such  service  ? 

LORD  S.  All  we  serve  for,  madam,  in  the  Tyrol,  is  love. 

Vio.  It  must  be  a  profitable  situation  then. 

LORD  S.  Above  all  profit,  madam.  The  wages  of  a  Tyro- 
lean servant  are  a  smile  a  day — and,  would  you  credit  it, 
madam,  a  kiss  at  the  close  of  every  week  ? 

Vio.  And  perhaps,  if  you  had  the  first  week's  wages  in  ad- 
vance, it  would  be  an  advantage. 

LORD  S.  (Rising.)  I  shall  be  happy,  madam,  to  take  that 
advantage  of  you.  ( Offering  to  kiss  her.) 

Vio.  It  is  time,  sir,  to  remind  you  of  your  position  and 
mine — and  to  caution  you,  that  though  I  have  spoken  thus 
lightly  with  you,  the  next  attempt  to  address  me  in  the  same 
tone  and  terms  will  ensure  your  dismissal.  To  your  place,  sir. 

LORD  S.  The  custom  of  the  Tyrol  won't  do  this  time  3 
(Retires  up,  L.  H.) 

Vio.  (Aside.)  Come,  he  has  the  grace  to  be  silent.  Now 
he's  gone  up  there  to  stare  at  me  again.  The  fellow's  given 
me  the  fidgets.  Fidelio  ! 

LORD  S.  Madam  ! 

Vio.  Hem  !  yo»  have  never  been  in  service  before  ? 

LORD  S.  No,  madam. 

Vio.  By  your  appearance,  your  life  has  hitherto  been  a 
very  easy  one  ? 

LORD  S.  As  easy,  madam,  as  freedom  and  pleasure  could 
make  it.  But,  trust  me,  service  to  you  will  be  far  easier  than 
any  freedom. 

Vio.  Again,  sir  !  Be  careful !  You'd  better  leave  the 
room,  I  think. 

LORD  S.  Confound  her  pride !  once  alarmed,  it  will  be 
rather  difficult  to  lull  again.  (Retires  up.) 


•c.  in.]  LOVE  IN  LIVERY.  13 

Vio.  (Aside.)  My  new  gentleman  is  rather  presuming — 
I  must  put  a  stop  to  it.  Fidelio,  1  shall  walk  awhile  in  the 
garden,  (Ruing.) 

LORD  S.  I  shall  attend  you,  madam.  (Throws  open  door  at 
back — she  walks  towards  it — he  offers  his  arm.)  Will  you 
allow  me,  madam  ? 

Vio.  (Drawing  back  haughtily.)  Sir,  this  is  beyond  be- 
lief— 

LORD  S.  (Aside.)  'Gad,  I  forgot !  (Aloud.)  Your  pardon, 
madam,  it  is  the  custom  in  the  Tyrol. 

Vio.  Keep  such  customs,  then,  for  the  Tyrol — and  beware, 
sir,  lest  your  freedom  be  deemed  impertinence,  and  receive  its 
reward.  Learn  the  duties  of  a  servant,  and  let  me  counsel 
you,  observe  them.  (Stamps  angrily,  and  exit  c.) 

LORD  S.  Even  her  foot's  in  a  passion  !  Well,  thanks  to  the 
Tyrol,  and  its  customs,  and  thanks  to  my  own  imprudence,  I 
spoilt  it  all  as  fast  as  I  did  it.  But,  my  sweet  Countess,  the 
hours  of  your  widowhood  are  numbered — for  if  I  don't  win 
and  wear  you  before  the  week's  out,  may  I  never  get  a  smile 
from  the  sex  agaia.  [Exit  L.  H. 


SCENE  III.— Lord  Sparkle's  Apartment. 

Enter  PAUL,  R.  H.,  in  Lord  Sparkle's  clothes,  and  brocaded 
dressing  gown. 

PAUL.  It  strikes  me  they  put  the  strongest  stuff  into  the 
smallest  bottles,  for  I've  certainly  only  emptied  one  bottle — 
and  the  bottle  was  a  little  bottle — and  I  feel  in  a  very  fit  state 
to  play  the  devil  with  my  nobility.  Now  I  suppose  I  ought 
to  feel  like  a  lord,  but  if  1  had  a  very  confidential  friend  here, 
I  should  tell  him  that  though  my  dignity  fits  me  extremely 
well,  my  clothes  don't.  It's  a  regular  Court  suit,  too— but  it 
feels  to  me  like  a  suit  of  court  plaister.  I  shall  never  be  able 
to  sit  down  in  'em. 

Enter  THOMAS,  with  a  letter,  L.  H. 

THOM.  Here's  a  letter  for  his  lordship 
PAUL.  Whose  lordship,  blockhead  ? 
THOM.  Oh  I  forgot — your  lordship. 

Think  before  you  speak,  Thomas,  in  future.     Ctiv*  it 


14  LOVE  IN  LIVERY.  [sc.  HI. 

me.  I'm  afraid  you  haven't  washed  your  hands  this  morning, 
Thomas.  Don't  let  this  happen  again,  or  you  will  get  the  sack, 
Thomas.  (Recollecting.)  I  mean,  you'll  quit  my  service,  Tho- 
mas. Go  and  cleanse,  you  dirty  vagabond ! 

THOM.  (Aside.)  He's  going  mad,  I  think.  [Exit  L.  H. 

PAUL.  I  hope  my  friend  writes  a  good  hand,  or  I  shall  be 
bothered.  (Reads.)  "  To  the  Right  Honorable  Lord  Thomas 
Sparkle."  Ah,  that's  me!  "My  dear  son."  Oh,  from  the  gov- 
ernor !  "  I  have  just  heard  that  you  are  in  the  neighborhood 

of  a  ward  of  mine — the  Countess  De De "  Ah,  never 

mind — it  is  a  Countess.  "  She  is  young  and  very  beautiful. 
Now,  Tom,  you  could  not  make  choice  of  a  nobler  lady,  even 
in  England.  It  is  my  wish  that  you  make  her  an  immediate 
offer  of  your  hand.  In  haste — your  affectionate  father." — 
What's  to  be  done  ?  I  can't  find  him,  that's  certain.  Don't 
know  where  he  is.  He  told  me  if  any  letters  came,  to  attend 
to  'em  myself  if  I  could — and  I  suppose  I  can  make  love  to  a 
woman.  Though  she  is  a  Countess,  I  suppose  she's  something 
like  other  women.  Besides,  I  shall  get  the  affair  in  such  a 
beautiful  state  of  forwardness  when  I  hand  it  over  to  him, 
he'll  double  my  wages.  I'll  go  at  once.  Thanks  to  the 
little  bottle,  I'm  just  in  the  humor.  Thomas  !  His  lordship's 
coat  Thomas ! 

Enter  THOMAS,  with  coat,  L.  H. 

Now,  Thomas — will  you  assist  his  lordship  ?  (THOMAS 
helps  him  off  with  dressing  gown)  Gently — gently — you 
rough  creature  !  I'm  not  used  to  such  things.  Now  the  coat, 
Thomas 

THOM.  Here  it  is,  Paul — my  lord  !  (Helps  him  in  on  with 
it) 

PAUL.  Didn't  I  tell  you  to  think  before  you  spoke  ?  send 
in  the  rest  of  my  servants.  (Exit  THOMAS,  R.  H.)  I  must  let 
them  know  formally  that  I'm  going  out  for  the  day,  or  the 
wretches  might  fancy  I  was  too  drunk  to  get  home — they  do 
have  the  oddest  ideas 

Enter  three  or  four  MALE  SERVANTS,  MART  AND  SUSAN,  L.  H., 

tittering. 

Let  me  know  when  you've  quite  done  laughing.  You'll  oblige 
me  by  remembering  that  I  am  no  longer  in  the  menial  situa- 
tion I  blush  to  have  ever  been  in.  And  you,  female  women, 
will  oblige  me  by  forgetting  to  remember  any  little  attention 
I  may  have  been  low-minded  enough  to  pay  you. 


ec.  in.]  LOVE  IN  LIVERY.  15 

MARY.  (Aside)  The  wretch! 

Sus.  (Aside.)  The  viper ! 

MARY.  (Running  to  him.)  Dear  Paul,  you  won't  desert  met 
remember  the  many  times  you 

PAUL.  Off,  woman  !  you're  a  chambermaid.    Hence  to  your 
region  of  bolsters  and  blankets,  and  be  smothered  ! 
*    Scs.  That's  right,  Paul — she's  not  your  dear,  but  when  I 
speak 

PAUL.  Hence,  woman !  you're  a  cook.  Off  to  your  regions 
of  grease  and  gravy,  and  be  basted.  I  know  nothing  about  your 
honesty. 

THOM.  Come,  Paul,  this  is  coming  it  rather  too  strong. 

PAUL.  Paul,  sir  ?  Paul !  Who  do  you  mean  by  Paul  f 
One  of  your  blackguard  associates,  I  suppose. 

THOM.  Precisely  so. 

PAUL.  Is  there  any  Paul  here,  sir  ?  Go  to  the  devil,  sir, 
and  take  Paul  with  you !  How  dare  you  interrupt  me, 
sir  ?  I  said  I  don't  know  much  about  your  honesty — no  more 
1  do — so,  to  prevent  mischief,  all  of  you  come  with  me,  and 
get  the  carriage  ready  directly. 

THOM.  Well,  I  suppose  we  must  do  it. 

PAUL.  Suppose,  you  villain  !  Do  I  pay  you  your  abomin- 
ably extortionate  wages  for  you  to  suppose  ? 

THOM.  (As  they  exeunt.)  Oh,  shan't  he  suffer  for  this ! 

[All  exeunt  but  PAUL,  MARY  and  SUSAN,  L.  H. 

PAUL.  Plagued  with  servants !  Well,  what  are  you  stop 
ping  for  ? 

Sus.  (Turning  sharply  to  MARY.)  Yes,  madam — what  are 
you  stopping  here  for  ? 

MARY.  I  wish  to  speak  to  his  lordship. 

PAUL.  Very  properly  answered.  Now,  Miss — what  are  you 
stopping  for  ? 

Sus.  I  want  to  speak  to  yow,  Paul  Patent — who  has  pro- 
mised to  marry  me  a  hundred  times,  and  who  thinks  because 
he's  thrown  off  his  old  clothes,  he  can  throw  off  his  old  words 
— but  I  can  tell  him  I  won't  be  made  a  fool  of ! 

MARY.  Perhaps  there's  no  necessity  to  make  you  one, 
ma'am. 

Sus.  Take  care  I  don't  spoil  your  wit,  ma'am  ! 

(From  this  point  to  the  end  of  the  Scene  to  be  spoken  very 
rapidly) 

MARY.  Take  care  I  don't  spoil  your  beauty,  ma'am  I 


10  LOVE  IN  LIVERY.  [sc.  IT. 

PAUL.  (Aside.)  Thank  heaven,  they've  begun — I'm  pretty 
safe! 

Sus.  It  strikes  me  you're  a  creature,  ma'am  ! 

MARY.  Take  care  nothing  else  strikes  you,  ma'am  ! 

Sus.  1  don't  wonder,  ma'am,  at  your  being  so  free  with 
your  words,  seeing  how  free  you  are  with  your  lips,  ma'am. 

MARY.  What  do  you  know  about  my  lips,  ma'am. 

Sus.  Not  so  much  as  Thomas,  I  dare  say,  ma'am 

MARY.  I'll  pull  your  hair  out  of  curl,  I  promise  you,  ma'am  ! 
(Goes  up  to  her.) 

PAUL.  Oh,  this  won't  do.  Women,  I  can't  have  this  dis- 
turbance in  the  building.  I  shall  ring  the  bell 

MARY  &  Sus.  How  dare  you  interfere  ? 

Sus.  You  upstart — insignificant 

PAUL.  Will  you  be  quiet,  you  little  devils? 

MARY.  Go,  sir — do — go  !     (Both  striking  him.) 

Sus.  &  MARY.  (Following  and  beating  him)  There — you 
hideous  three-cornered  little  tyrant — there  ! 

PAUL.  I  wish  his  lordship  was  in  his  own  clothes,  now ! 
Get  off,  you  two  vixens  !  (They  beat  him  of  R.  H.  squabbling 
and  scuffling.) 


SCENE  IV.— The  Countes*  Violets  Chamber,  as  before. 
LORD  SPARKLE  discovered  on  the  Ottoman. 

LORD  S.  T  may  make  a  very  respectable  lord — in  fact,  I 
think  I  do,  but  I  certainly  am  the  most  bungling  lacquey  in 
or  out  of  livery  that  ever  filled  a  glass.  (LouiSE  sings  with- 
out.) Ha  !  here  comes  that  pert  little  hussey,  her  maid.  I'll 
be  sworn  she's  marvelling  strangely  that  I  don't  make  love 
to  her.  Bv-the-bye,  she  might  assist  me — besides,  'twill  pass 
the  time. 

Enter  LOUISE,  L.  H. 

Lou.  (Aside.)  Oh,  he's  here !  When  a  fellow-servant  is 
tolerably  good-looking,  and  does  the  agreeable  to  me,  1  gen- 
erally contrive  to  serve  him — when  he  doesn't,  I  generally  con- 
trive to  serve  him  out.  Now  here's  a  very  strong  case.  This 
fellow's  very  handsome,  and  he  hasn't  opened  his  lips  to  me  ! 

LORD  S.  What  the  plague's  she  chattering  to  herself  about, 
I  wonder  ?  Hem  ? 


sc.  iv.]  LOVE  IN  LIVERY.  •  17 

Lou.  Ah  !  you  here  !  I  say,  young  fellow — do  you  know 
you're  very  clumsy  ?  We  are  used  to  something  better,  I  can 
assure  you. 

LORD  S.  I  shall  improve  under  your  instruction,  child. 

Lou.  No,  man — you  are  much  too  stupid  for  me  to  instruct. 

LORD  S.  I  am  willing  to  learn  from  such  a  pretty  teacher 
— though  we  should  forget  our  lesson,  I  fear,  and  fall  into  an- 
other subject. 

Lou.  What  subject,  Mr.  Impudence  ? 

LORD  S.  One  I  fancy  we  should  be  both  more  at  home 
with — love  ! 

Lou.  So  you're  going  to  make  love  to  me,  are  you  ? 

LORD  S.  Let  me  recommend  a  large  stock  I  have  on  hand 
ready  made. 

Lou,  I  don't  like  things  ready  made — and  I  dare  say  you 
are  ready  enough  to  swear  you  love  me. 

LORD  S.  Quite !  I  do  swear  it !  (COUNTESS  VIOLET  entert 
behind,  c.) 

Lou.  Well,  what  will  you  swear  by  ? 

LORD  S.  I'll  swear  by  anything  you  think  the  safest. 

Lou.  Oh,  come,  I'm  in  no  danger  yet,  Mr.  Safe. 

LORD  S.  Well,  1  swear  by  my  honesty. 

Lou.  •  I  don't  think  you  could  swear  by  a  more  trifling  affair 
than  that." 

LORD  S.  Oh,  yes — I  might  have  sworn  by  yours. 

Lou.  Well,  I  declare !  (Aside.)  He's  no  such  fool  though  ! 

LORD  S.  However,  I  swear  by  those  two  red  lips — will  that 
do? 

Lou.  Yes — but  isn't  it  necessary  when  one  swears  to  kiss 
the  book  ? 

LORD  S.  You're  right,  dear  !  (Kisses  her — VIOLET  comes 
forward — they  start  back.) 

Vio.  This  is  monstrous  1  So,  sir — this  is  the  custom  in  the 
Tyrol  too,  I  suppose. 

LORD  S.  Yes,  madam — if  you'll  allow  me 

Vio.  It  is  not  the  custom  of  my  house — at  least  not  to  my 
knowledge — though  from  Louise's  aptness,  it  may  have  been. 
You  will  return  to  the  Tyrol,  sir,  if  you  feel  disposed 

LORD  S.  I  assure  you,  madam,  'twas  a  harmless  frolic  only. 
(Aside.)  Ah,  my.  unlucky  stars ! 

Lou.  Yes,  madam,  very  harmless,  as  far  as  I  am  concerned. 
It  was  only  an  experiment.  I  always  try  the  disposition  of 
new  servants,  madam,  that  I  may  know  how  to  treat  them  af- 


J8  LOVE  IN  LIVERY.  [ac.  rv. 

Vio.  Very  possibly  you  do — but  you  try  no  more  in  my 
bouse.  As  for  you,  sir,  you  have  repaid  my  confidence  well, 
have  you  not  ?  but  I  might  have  guessed  as  much.  You 
leave  my  service  to-morrow  morning. 

LORD  S.  (Aside.)  Discharged  in  three  hours !  My  dear 
Howard,  you  were  very  right — I'll  carry  her  off  to-night. 

Vio.  \  ou  can  leave  the  room 

Lou.  Please,  madam,  I  don't  think  he  did  kiss  me  quite. 

Vio.  If  anything  makes  a  bad  affair  worse,  'tis  an  attempt- 
ed and  lame  defence.  We  will  talk  no  more  of  this  at  present. 
I  hear  a  carriage — see  who  it  is.  (LouiSE  runs  to  window,  c.) 

Lou.  La,  madam  !  it's  a  strange  carriage — with  grooms  on 
horseback.  I  never  saw  it  before-— chocolate  lined  with  crim- 
son. 

LORD  S.  Eh  ? 

Lou.  And  such  a  glaring  coat  of  arms  on  it — and  two  such 
lovely  cream-colored  horses. 

LORD  S.  (Aside.)  The  devil  there  are !  (Goes  up  to  window.) 

Vio.  1  know  none  such.     Whose  can  it  be  ? 

LORD  S.  (Aside.)  Your  discharged  valet's !  my  coach,  and 
horses,  as  I  breathe  !  Now  whose  infernal  audacity  is  this  ? 
It  must  be  a  trick  of  Howard's  to  stop  this  freak. 

Enter  SERVANT,  L.  H.,  hands  card  to  VIOLET. 

Vio.  (Reading)  Lord  Sparkle,  Revel  Hall 

LORD  S,  (Aside.)  Oh,  Lord  Sparkle,  is  it  ?  who  the  devil 
am  I,  then  ? 

Vio.  (Aside.)  The  son  of  Lord  Rackington,  my  guardian — 
of  whom  1  have  heard  so  much.  Admit  his  lordship.  (Exit 
SERVANT,  L.  H.)  Fidelio,  remain  here  to  receive  his  lordship. 
Louise,  no  more  experiments,  if  you  please. 

Lou.  No,  madam.  [Exit  VIOLET  and  LOUISE,  R.  H. 

LORD  S.  It  strikes  me  I  shall  quarrel  with  Frank.  (Sits 
and  reads — his  back  towards  entrance.)  I'll  not  notice  him, 
he  may  take  his  oath  of  that. 

Enter  SERVANT,  introducing  PAUL,  L.  H. 

SERV.  My  Lord  Sparkle [Exit  L.  H. 

PAUL.  Well,  that'-  manners,  is  it,  to  holloa  out  a  fellow's 
name,  and  then  cut  out  of  the  room  without  so  much  as  hand- 
ing a  chair  or  hanging  up  his  hat.  But  I'm  a  lord — 
and  I'll  let  'em  know  it,  Where's  a  bell  ?  Ha,  there's  a  ser- 
vant. I'll  astonish  'em  a  little.  ( Calls  loudly.)  Now,  young 
man.  (Slapping  him  on  the  back.) 


se.  IT.]  LOVE  IN  LIVERY.  19 

LORD  S.  (Starting  up,  and  rushing  forward.}     Paul ! 

PAUL.  The  devil ! 

LORD  S.  Confound  that  eternally  blundering  head  of  yours ! 
\vhat  on  earth  brought  you  here  ?  Answer  me,  or  I'll  shake 
you  dumb.  (Collars  him) 

PAUL.  Your  lordship's  creams.  (Aside.)  I  will  have  my 
lark  out,  in  spite  of  him.  I  came  to  make  love  to  the  Coun- 
tess Thingumy — what's  her  name  ? 

LORD  S.  Have  you  been  drinking  ? 

PAUL.  It's  a  positive  fact  I  did  a  little — but  may  I  ask  what 
your  lordship's  doing  here  ? 

LORD  S.  I'll  tell  you  what  I  shall  do  here  directly,  and  that 
is,  fling  you  out  of  the  window.  Tell  me,  sir,  at  once,  what 
brought  you  here  ? 

PAUL.  Very  well,  sir — just  after  you 

Enter  LOUISE,  R.  H. 

Lou.  Fidelio,  you're  to  go  and  see  after  his  lordship's  car- 
riage and  servants.  Now,  run — don't  stand  fidgetting  there. 

PAUL.  (Aside  )  Who's  she  talking  to  ? 

LORD  S.  (Aside)  This  is  amusing.  I  shall  have  to  groom 
ray  own  horses,  I  suppose. 

Lou.  Now,  are  you  going  ? 

LORD  S.  Oh  yes — I'm  going. 

PAUL.  Why  don't  you  go  ? 

LORD  S.  ( Aside)  But  I'll  very  soon  make  my  way  back ! 

[Exit,  L.  H. 

Lou.  I'm  afraid  your  lordship  has  been  bothered  with  th<it 
clumsy  fellow 

PAUL.  Yes,  he  did  bother  me  a  little.  I  say,  where  did 
you  pick  him  up  ? 

Lou.  The  Countess  engaged  him  this  morning,  my  lord. 
He  came  from  the  Tyrol. 

PAUL.  The  Tyrol!  ah,  in  Australia  somewhere!  I  say, 
couldn't  you  manage  to  keep  him  down  stairs  I  By-the-bye, 
have  you  ha  3  your  dinner  ? 

Lou.  Nc,  my  lord. 

PAUL.  I  suppose  your  mistress — hem,  generally  asks  drop- 
pers in  to  stop,  eh  ? 

Lou.  She  will  be  very  proud  of  your  lordship's  company, 
I'm  sure. 

PAUL.  She  shall  have  it.  Is  she  dressing  ?  I  hope  she's 
not  doing  anything  extra  on  my  account. 


20  LOVE  IN  LIVERY.  [sc.  IT. 

Lou.  She  is  here,  my  lord. 

PAUL.  (Aside.)  I  wonder  how  a  Swiss  Countess  looks.  I 
don't  feel  very  comfortable — I'd  rather  stay  with  the  maid. 

JZnter  VIOLET,  R.  H. 

Vio.  Welcome,  iny  lord,  to  my  poor  chateau. 

PAUL.  (Bowing  extravagantly.)  Thank  you,  madam— I 
hope  you're  pretty  well,  madam.  (Aside.)  I  should  like  to 
know  what  to  do  with  my  hat  ?  I'd  better  leave  it  on  my 
head — it's  out  of  the  way  there. 

Vio.  (Aside.)  What  an  uncouth  creature  it  is !  (Aloud.) 
I  trust  you  have  left  my  guardian,  your  noble  father,  well  ? 

PAUL.  (Aside.)  My  noble  father !  ah,  ah,  I  forgot.  I 
think  she's  beginning  to  bother  me.  (Aloud.)  Yes,  ma'am — 
much  obliged — the  governor's  all  right.  (Aside.)  I  wonder 
if  I  ought  to  ask  after  her  family — it  isn't  worth  while,  per- 
haps. 

Enter  LORD  SPARKLE,  L.  H. 

And  now,  ma'am,  I'll  tell  you  what  brought  me  here. 

LORD  S.  (Aside.)     Aye,  let's  hear  that! 

Vio.  Not  till  you  have  taken  some  refreshment  I  trust 
your  lordship  will  do  me  the  honor  of  dining  with  me. 

PAUL.  With  all  the  pleasure  possible,  ma'am. 

LORD  S.  (Aside.)  Curse  his  impudence — I  shall  have  to 
wait  on  my  own  valet ! 

Vio.  But  I  beg  your  lordship  ten  thousand  pardons — I 
forgot  you  were  standing.  (Aside.)  How  strange,  he  per 
sists  in  keeping  his  hat  on. 

PAUL.  Don't  mention  it,  ma'am.  I  was  looking  out  for  a 
chair,  though. 

Vio.  Fidelio!  chairs,  here — and  take  his  lordship's  hat. 
(LoRD  SPARKLE  places  chair  for  VIOLET — and  one  for  PAUL, 
in  which  himself  sits,  and  draws  close  to  VIOLET.) 

PAUL.  Hilloa,  you  sir — come  out  of  that  chair !  (Pulls  him 
out.) 

LORD  S.  (Aside  to  PAUL.)  You  shall  remember  this ! 
(PAUL  attempts  to  seat  himself,  but  the  tightness  of  his  clothet 
prevents  him — after  several  trials,  he  manages  to  do  so.) 

PAUL.  I  say,  ma'am — you've  got  a  very  clumsy  servant 
here. 

Vio.  Never  heed  him,  my  lord — I  have  discharged  him 
for  his  misconduct  this  morning. 


§c.  IT.]  LOVE  IN  LIVERY.  21 

PAUL.  (Aside.)  Discharged !  misconduct !  capital !  (He 
tries  to  smother  his  laughter.) 

LORD  S.  (Aside.)     Damn  the  fellow  !  he's  enjoying  it ! 

Vio.  Didn't  I  tell  you  to  take  his  lordship's  hat,  Fidelio  ? 

LORD  S.  (Aside.)  Yes — and  his  lordship's  head  shall  go 
with  it  in  two  minutes ! 

PAUL.  Here,  Fiddler — take  my  hat!  (LORD  SPARKLE 
takes  his  hat  off,  and,  pulls  his  ear — PAUL  cries  out  again.) 

PAUL.  Really,  ma'am,  this  man  of  yours  is  the  clumsiest — 

Vio.  You  had  better  leave  the  room,  I  think,  Fidelio! 

PAUL.  Yes,  Fiddler — you  had  better  leave  the  room. 
What  queer  names  these  servants  have,  ma'am  !  Fiddler 
may  be  a  very  good  name,  but  I  think  Paul  a  better. 

Vio.  Call  him  what  you  please,  my  lord.  But  I  haven't 
heard  from  your  noble  father  since  my  poor  husband's  death — 

LORD  S.  (Aside.)     I  don't  suppose  you  have! 

PAUL.  I'm  very  sorry  for  that,  ma'am.  It  was  very  wrong 
in  the  governor  not  to  write — but  he's  a  careless  old  file  ! 

LORD  S.  (Aside — to  PAUL.)  I'll  not  leave  you  a  whole 
bone  in  your  skin  ! 

PAUL.  (Aside — to  LORD  S.)  Keep  quiet,  you  sir!  (Aloud.) 
And  how  long  may  your  husband  have  been  dead,  ma'am  ? 

Vio.  Eighteen  months,  my  lord. 

PAUL.  Ah,  he  must  be  very  dead  indeed  by  this  time. 
Niceish  sort  of  man,  ma'am  ? 

Vio.  (Aside.)  This  is  a  strange  specimen  of  English  nobili- 
ty. (Aloud.)  He  was  quite  as  good  as  I  deserved,  my  lord. 

PAUL.  Then  he  must  have  been  an  out-and-outer,  ma'am. 
(Aside.)  Come,  I  have  done  a  compliment. 

LORD  S.  How  can  I  stop  this  infernal  fellow's  tongue ! — 
(Vio  LET  drops  her  handkerchief.) 

Vio.  I  beg  your  lordship's  pardon 

PAUL.  (Aside.)  What  for,  I  wonder? 

Vio.  May  I  trouble  you,  my  lord  ? 

PAUL.  Oh,  pick  it  up — with  pleasure,  ma'am — (Tries  to 
stoop,  but  cannot,  on  account  of  his  clothes,) — if  I  can,  that  is. 
(Aside.)  These  cursed  things — it's  not  to  be  done — Do  you 
want  it  very  particularly,  ma'am  ? 

Vio.  (Hardly  repressing  her  laughter.)  Fm  concerned  to 
trouble  your  lordship,  but  if 

PAUL.  Oh,  certainly,  ma'am — if  you  want  it  ( Tries 
again,  but  fails — LORD  SPARKLE  laughs.) 

Vio.  Fidelio  ! 


22  LOVE  IN  LIVERY.  [sc.  iv. 

PAUL.  Oh,  he's  there,  is  he  ?  What  am  I  troubling  myself 
about  for  ?  Here,  Fiddler !  Paul,  you  rascal — come  and 
pick  this  up. 

Vio.  Fidelio,  will  you  attend  to  his  lordship's  orders  ? 

LORD  S.  To  yours,  madam.  (LORD  SPARKLE  picks  up  the 
handkerchief.) 

Vio.  And  now,  my  lord,  I  shall  be  glad  to  know  to  what  I 
owe  the  honour  of  this  visit  ? 

LORD  S.  (Aside.)  So  shall  I ! 

PAUL.  (Aside.)  I  wish  she'd  let  that  alone  till  after  dinner — 
for  the  game's  certainly  up,  when  that's  out !    (Aloud.)    Cer-. 
tainly,  ma'am — but  I  hope  I  am  not  interfering  with  the  din 
ner  hour 

Vio.  By  no  means,  my  lord.  There  is  yet  half  an  hour 

PAUL.  (Aside.)  Time  enough  to  be  kicked  out  now  before 
dinner  !  I'll  give  her  the  letter.  (Aloud.)  The  fact  is,  ma'am, 
this  letter  will  let  you  into  a  move  of  the  governor's. 

LORD  S.  (Aside.)  A  letter !  What  the  deuce  can  all  this 
be  about  ? 

PAUL.  I  hope  she  won't  be  making  love  at  once,  or  he'll  un- 
derstand it  all! 

Vio.  I   am  honored,  my  lord,  by  your  father's  preference, 

but (Aside.)    Marry  him !  No,   the  footman   behind  my 

chair  would  be  more  welcome — and  so  vanish  all  my  hopes ! 

LORD  S.  "  Honored— father's  preference  !"  Oh  !  I  can't 
allow  this  to  go  on  any  longer ! 

Vio.  (Rising.)  My  lord,  excuse  my  freedom ;  but  it  would 
be  most  culpable  to  deceive  you.  As  a  friend,  my  doors  are 
ever  open  to  you — none  more  welcome  than  yourself ;  but — 
pardon  me,  I  can  never  be  your  wife. 

LORD  S.  (Aside  to  PAUL.)  Why,  you  impudent  vagabond, 
you're  never  offering  her  your  hand  ? 

PAUL.  (Aside  to  LORD  S.)  Yes  ;  I  am  doing  it  for  you  ! 

LORD  S.  (Aside  to  PAUL.)  And  I'll  do  for  you,  you  rascal ! 
At  all  hazards,  I  will  know  the  meaning  of  this.  (Aloud.)  Ma- 
dam, this  absurd  masquerade  must  proceed  no  further.  I  am 
Lord  Sparkle,  and  that  fellow's  my  rascal  of  a  valet. 

Vio.  What? 

PAUL.  (Aside.)  I  shall  lose  a  glorious  dinner  if  I  give  in 
He  can't  prove  it — I'll  stand  him  out ! 

Vio.  Is  this  true,  sir  ? 

LORD  S.  Let  him  deny  it,  confound  him ! 

PAUL.  I  do  deny  it.    Are  there  no  means  of  telling  a  lord 


sc.  IT.]  LOVE  IN  LIVERY.  23 

&om  a  lacquey  ?  What  does  he  here  in  that  dress,  if  he's  me, 
ma'am  ? 

LORD  S.  (Rushing  at  him.)  You  barefaced  rascal,  I'll  stran- 
gle you  !  (PAUL  crosses  to  R.) 

Vio.  Stop,  sir — I  command  you.  There  appears  to  be  some 
mystery  here  ;  but  the  truth  can  soon  be  ascertained.  I  can- 
not doubt  his  lordship,  here.  Ring  that  bell ! 

LORD  S.  Certainly,  madam,  at  your  command.  (He  ring* 
Ike  bell.) 

Enter  SERVANT,  L.  H. 

Vio.  Let  Lord  Sparkle's  servants  come  up  here.  (Exit 
SERVANT,  L.  H.) 

LORD  S.  (Aside.)  That'll  do.  It's  lucky  they  came,  or  I 
couldn't  so  easily  prove  it. 

PAUL.  (Aside.)  That's  prime!  He  told 'em  himself,  if  they 
-ecognized  him  till  he  came  home  again,  he  would  discharge 
them. 

Enter  SERVANT,  with  SERVANTS,  L.  H. 

Vio.  You  will  have  the  kindness  to  point  out  your  master, 
Lord  Sparkle. 

SERV.  (Pointing  to  PAUL.)  There  he  is,  ma'am 

Vio.  I  thought  as  much.     You  may  go. 

LORD  S.  Why,  you  lying  rascals — do  you  dare  to  say  you 
don't  know  your  own  master  ? 

THOM.  ( Aside.)  We'll  stick  to  it  for  you,  my  lord  !  Never 
saw  you  before  ! 

LORD  S.  (Aside.)  What's  to  be  done  ?  They  will  stick  to 
this.  I  forgot  I  told  them  to  do  so. 

Vio.  (To  LORD  S.)  If  I  were  to  treat  you  as  you  deserve, 
sir,  I  should  order  these  honest  men  to  horsewhip  you  into 
the  road.  It  depends  upon  his  lordship  whether  I  shall  do  so 
or  not. 

LORD  S.  (Aside.)  This  is  devilish  agreeable  !  I  shouldn't 
wonder  if  he  said  yes. 

PAUL.  I  think  Le  would  be  a  trifle  the  better  for  it,  ma'am 
— but  let  him  go. 

Vio.  For  your  escape,  sir,  you  may  thank  his  lordship. 

LORD  S.  (Aside.)  Oh,  damn  his  lordship  !  Madam,  I  see 
it  is  hopeless  to  endeavor  to  convince  you  ;  and  as  for  that 
double  rascal  there — whom  I  always  took  to  be  the  veriest  fool 
on  earth — he  turns  out  to  be  a  bit  of  a  rogue.  I  came  here 


24  LOVE  IN  LIVERY.  |  BC.  IT 

in  disguise,  simply  to  be  near  you — I  saw  and  loved  you,  and 
could  only  gain  admittance  to  your  house  by  stratagem. 

PAUL.  I  ask  anybody — does  he  look  as  if  he  was  telling 
the  truth? 

Vio.  I  cannot  believe  this  romance,  sir 

LORD  S.  I  pledge  you  my  honor 

PAUL.  (Aside.)  The  honor  of  a  valet !  I  tried  to  pledge 
mine  once,  but  could  get  nothing  on  it. 

Enter  SERVANT,  L.  H. 

SERV.  Mr.  Howard,  madam ! 

LORD  S.  I  pray  you  admit  him,  madam ;  he  is  a  friend 
of  mine,  and  will  clear  every  thing. 
Vio.  Admit  him. 
PAUL.  (Aside.)  I'm  doubled  up,  and  put  by  ! 

Enter  SERVANT,  with  FRANK  HOWARD,  L.  H. 

How.  My  dear  Tom  !  (Shakes  hands  with  LORD  S.) 

LORD  S.  Frank,  you  never  came  more  seasonably.  Ten  to 
one,  I  should  have  been  kicked  out  of  the  house  !  I  have 
been  disowned  by  my  servants,  and  bullied  out  of  my  name 
by  that  scoundrel,  there.  Confess  your  abominations,  or  I'll 
strangle  you  !  ( Crosses,  and  seizes  PAUL.) 

PAUL.  Oh — oh — I  confess  !  You're  the  lord,  and  I'm  the 
lacquey.  There's  the  letter,  sir ;  read  that,  and  don't  ask  any 
thing  else. 

LORD  S.  (Having  read  the  letter?)  This  is  indeed  happiness ! 
I  forgive  you — this  letter  makes  your  peace.  Now,  dearest 
madam 

Vio.  Lightly  won,  may  be  lightly  lost — but  take  me — I  am 
yours. 

LORD  S.  (Coming  forward.)  And  now  may  I  beg,  for  my- 
self and  my  newly  acquired  treasure,  your  kind  approval  and 
satisfaction  at  the  manoeuvres  of  LOVE  IN  LIVERY. 

CURTAIN   FALLS. 


Disposition  of  the  characUri  at  the  fall  ef  the  Curtain. 
PAUL.          SPARKLE.          VIOLET.          HOWARD. 


Spencer's  Boston  Theatre. 

•L.      -*-*-                                                                                                                                                                      ' 

Price,  12  1-2  Cents,  each.     Ten  for  One  Dollar. 

|                             BOUND    VOLIJMKS. 

SI. 

VOL.  XVI. 

VOL.  XXI. 

VOL.  XXVI. 

121  The  Wonder, 

101  A  Hard  Straggle, 

201 

122  The  Rights  of  Man. 

162  Gwimu-th  Vaughan, 

203 

12.)  Robert  Kmmet, 

103  The  Love  Knot, 

203 

124  My  Husband's  Ghost 

164  White  Lies, 

204 

125  Fighting  by  Proxv,  [Game 

165  Dreams  of  Delusion, 

205 

120  Two  Can   Play   at  that 

166  'Jhe  Shaker  L>vers, 

205 

127   UnproU-cU'd  Female, 

167  Tickli,h  Times.     [Tiger, 

207 

123  Green  Bushes. 

IBS  Twenty  Minutes  with  a 

203 

VOL.  XVII. 

VOL.  XXII. 

VOL.  XXVII. 

129  Flowers  of  the  Forest, 

169  Miralda  or  the  Just'ce  of 

209 

1.  '50  Forty  ami  Hi'tv, 

170  Heads  or  Tails.  [Tacou, 

210 

1:5  L  Who'  Stole  i  hi-  Pocketbook 

171  A  Soldiers'  Courtship, 

21L 

i:'.2  A  Ba,-hflor  of  Arts, 

172 

212 

I'U   Mv  Sim  I>':in;i, 

173 

213 

134  The  Midnight  Banquet. 

174 

214 

I    135  Un  *•!!•  r:\ntalile  Intrusion  : 

175 

215 

136  Mr.  &  Mrs.  White. 

176 

216 

VOL.  XVIII. 

VOL.  XXIII. 

VOL.  XXVIII. 

137  A  Qniet  Family. 

177 

217 

!  133  Husband  of  an  hour. 

173 

218 

139  Love's  Telegraph, 

170 

219 

140  The  Naiad  Queen. 

ISO 

220 

141   Caprice. 

181 

221 

1  42  Cool  as  a  Cucumber, 

1S2 

QOO 

1  43  Sudden  Thoughts, 

183 

223 

14  1  Jumbo  Jum. 

m 

224 

_VOL.XIX. 

VOL.  XXIV. 

VOL.  XXIX. 

14  •>  The  Cradle  of  Liberty, 

185 

225 

14G  A  Blighted  Being, 

186 

226 

147  Little  Toddlekins, 

187 

227 

143  The  Lost  Ship. 

183 

228 

149  A  Lover  by  Proxy,  [Pail, 

189 

229 

1  ->0  Maid  with  the  Milking 

190 

230 

1)1  Country  Squire, 

191 

231 

152  Perplexing'Predicament. 

192 

232 

VOL.  XX. 

VOL.  XXV. 

VOL.  XXX. 

113  Fraud  and  its  Victims, 

193 

233 

154  Dr.  Dihrorth. 

194 

2.14 

1)3  Out  to  Nursj, 

195 

235 

1">6  Putnam. 

190 

236 

157  The  King  and  Desert  or, 

197 

237 

158  A  Lucky  Hit, 

193 

233 

159  The  Dowager, 

199 

239 

160  La  Fiammina, 

200 

240 

PAKCELS  SENT  TO  ANY  PAKT  OF  THE  CITY. 


Orders  by  Mail  or  Express  will  be  promptly  attended 


PRIVATE    REPRESENTATION. 


Eton  Boy. 
Bio  >mer  Costume, 
Swiss  Cottaee, 
Forty  and  Fifty, 
My  Son  Diana, 
Cool  as  a  Cucumber, 


The  Scholar, 
The  Limerick  Boy, 
Spring  and  Autumn, 
Ol)ject  of  Interest, 
Grist  to  the  Mill, 
Wandering  Minstrel, 


Twenty  Minutes  with  a  Tiger,;  Clock  Maker's  Hat; 


A  Very  Serious  Affair, 

A  Blighted  Being, 

Ladies  Beware, 

Two  Buzzards, 

Young  wife  &  Old  Umbrella. 

Two  Gregories, 

Who  Speaks  First, 

White  Bait  at  Greenwich, 

In  for  a  Holiday, 

Two  Heads  better  than  One. 

Six  Characters. 


Irish  Tiger, 
Norah  Creina. 
Family  Jars. 
Irish  Tutor, 
Irish  Assurance, 
Hunting  a  Turtle, 
Second  Love. 
Our  Wife. 
A  Hard  Strugge, 
The  Dowager, 
Dreams  of  Delusion, 
Ticklish  Times, 


JTwo  Characters  Each. 

|  Bachelor's  Bedroom 

j  No.  1,  Round  the  Corner, 

j  Conjugal  Lesson,  . 

Morning  Call. 

Antony  and  Clopatra, 
i  A  Lady  and  Gentleman   in 
a  Perplexing  Predicament. 

Personation, 

i  An  Unwarrantable  Intrusion, 
,  A  Pair  of  Pigeons, 

j    Three  Characters. 

i  Box  and  Cox, 

I  Love  in  Humble  Life, 

Delicate  Ground, 
,  Good  Little  Wife, 
I  My  Wife's  Diary, 

Opposite  Neighbors, 
•  A  Soldier's  Courtship, 

Sent  to  the  Tower, 
i  Two  can  play  at  that  game, 
i  Advice  to  Husbands, 
!  Two  Gay  Deceiver?, 
|  Unprotected  Female, 

j     Four  Characters. 

j  Betsey  Baker, 

i  Bombastes  Furioso, 

Victor  Vanquished, 

Comedy  and  Tragedy, 

A  Good  Fellow, 

Romance  Under  Difficulties, 

Laughing  Hyena- 

Cosey  Conp'.e, 

Maid  with  the  Milking  Pail, 

A  Lucky  Hit, 

Five  Characters. 

Poor  Pillicoddy, 
Swiss  Swains, 
Nature  and  Philosophy, 
Heads  or  Tails, 
A  Day  in  Paris. 

Price,  12 1-2  Cents,  each Ten  for  One  Dollar, 

NO  PLAYS'EXCHANGED  UNDER  ANY  CIRCUMSTANCES. 


Rights  of  Man, 
Siamese  Twins, 

Eight  Charact 

My  Husband's  Ghost, 

Mr.  &  Mrs.  White. 

A  Bachelor  of  Aria, 

My  Husband's  Mirror, 

Love  in  Livery, 

My  Aunt^ 

A  Roland  for  an  Olive 

Dumb  Belle, 

First  Night, 

Stage  Struck  Yankee, 
Trying  it  On, 

The  Mummy, 
Si>cctre  Bridegroom, 

Teddy  Roe, 

Fish  Out  of  Water. 

Box  &  Cox  Married  &  Settled, 

Time  Tries  All, 

Loan  of  a  Lover, 

The  Young  Scamp, 

My  Neighbour's  Wife, 

Fighting  by  Proxy, 

The  Secret, 

A  Quiet  Family. 

Two  Friends, 

Sudden  Thoughts, 

Two  Bonnycastles, 

Dr,  Dilworth, 

Widow's  Victim, 

A  Fasinating  Individual, 

Nine  -Charactc 

Match  Making, 
A  Match  in  the  Dark, 
Bengal  Tiger. 
Little  Toddlckins, 

My  Fellow  Clerk, 
Happy  Man, 
Idiot  Witness, 
Lady  of  the  Lions, 

Seven  Characters. 

Little  Treasure, 

Sophia's  Supper, 

Who  Stole  the  Pocket  Book,     , 

John  Jones, 

A  Family  Failing, 

Still  Waters  Run  Deej: 

On  hand  a  large  assortment  of 

ENGLISH  AND  AMERICAN  EDITIONS  ( 
IP  31,  .A.  "^  S  - 

All  New  Playe  for  sale  as  soon  as  issued,  at 

128 

I :  (Corner  of  Water  Street,) 


STREET, 
BOST 


Binder 

t    Gaylord  Bros..  Inc.    *' 
Stockton,  Calif.      \ 
T.M.  Reg.  U.S.  Pat. Off. 


YB  72856 


HOME  USE 

CIRCULATION  DEPARTMENT 
MAIN  LIBRARY 

This  M*  is  due  on  the  last  date  ^-j"*^ 


L.D21 
^ 


—  A-40m-5,'74 


Un 


,»S5»-. 


